I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize