she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
