Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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