When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
