Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
