Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
