I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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