it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
