he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
