i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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