I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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