I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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