I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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