we have pet lesbian snakes
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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