Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
