suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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