i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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