I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
