We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize