she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
