Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
