If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
