8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
