i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
