Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
