Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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