Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
