His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize