You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
