Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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