The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize