weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
