i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
