I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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