Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
