maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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