Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
