yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
