U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize