We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
