Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
