dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize