I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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