I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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