You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
