the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you win again, gameday.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
