One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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