Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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