She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
