I think I am morally bankrupt
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
