I want to walk on stilts...naked
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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