Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
