Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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