You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
