I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
