The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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