dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
