he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
