Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Shame - the story of my life.
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