Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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