Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize