He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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