i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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