Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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