My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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