Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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