he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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