Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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