I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
