Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
