I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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