Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
