I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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