I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
