I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
