You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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