New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
