When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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