Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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