Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
