i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
