He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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