I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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