Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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