you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
