i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Everclear isn't food dammit
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
