you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize