ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
i think my cat just said my name.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
