you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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