Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
