it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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