I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
