Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize