you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
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