you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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