he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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