It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
