physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
