Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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