i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
